Wednesday, August 31

Am I..

 crazy to be looking up tickets already?

Craigslist and the whole "looking for a new job" thing can wait for a day.

In my defense, I'm just trying to find out what month in spring/summer the tickets are the cheapest.

It gave me a great deal of satisfaction and control to switch from the already marked 'Round-trip' option, to 'One-way'.

I think I will set a date too.
I feel pretty confident about this.

April 2013

Tuesday, August 30

Vacation & More

I went on vacation to Poland for two and a half weeks.
What can I say?
It's the country that I grew up in. From a seed, to a little spud. Like a plant, I was plucked from the ground, roots stem and all, and moved across to another land. They hoped my roots would accept the new soil. They did. I dug into the ground and grew some leaves. I was cared for and nurtured. I am still. My parents make sure I have plenty of sunlight and water. I'm happy and healthy. But sometimes I think that in the moving process they accidentaly left one or two root stems in the previous ground. I ache. I long to have them back. Or to go back to them. I always look for those missing pieces and cry when I realize that I must leave in vain and go back home to New York.
---

"You were on vacation. You didn't have any responsibilities, job or bills to pay. Of course you had a good time." That is what everyone tells me here after I say that I had an amazing time and wanted to stay longer.  Hey, thanks for the reminder but I know what it's like to have all those.

I've already made my decision. Please don't try to talk me out of it. I don't want to hear your 'reality check' speeches.

I'm going back to Poland after I finish college.
And that's that.
---

"We have one chance. One chance, to get everything right.
My friends, my habits, my family- they mean so much to me.
I just don't think that it's right.
I've seen so many ships sail in, just to head back out again and go off sinking."


















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The hardest thing now will be to keep the same strength of conviction and confidence that I'm currently feeling all through this next year and half. I'm afraid I'll forget... it's so easy to forget everything in this mess of a life.. in this city... Oh but I'm not going to fret so early.

"As life gets longer awful feels softer, and it feels pretty soft to me.
And if it takes shit to make bliss, well, I feel pretty blissfully.
If life's not beautiful without any pain, well, I would rather not see any beauty again."